Saying he just happened to be the “most well-prepared for the job,” Pres. Obama nominated 57-year-old Caucasian Jeff Simmons to become his next First Lady.
Mr. Simmons, an exceedingly white man from Madison, Wisc., has no comparable experience at the federal or familial level, but Obama extolled his many virtues that suited him for the high-level position as his intimate life partner. “I am proud to nominate Jeff as First Lady and I expect he’ll be confirmed quickly,” said Mr. Obama.
“My family cannot wait to have the strong, supportive wife and mother that Jeff is uniquely suited to be.” Mr. Obama made the unexpected announcement Thursday morning in the Rose Garden, following nominations of several other white men for key administration positions. Facing some questions about diversity, the president cited the role’s need for a special, highly exclusive skill set and the lack of suitable candidates from which to choose nominees.
“Look, it’s not easy to be First Lady,” said the President, winking toward a scowling, heretofore unaware Michelle Obama. “I want to thank my current First Lady, Michelle, for leaving a remarkable legacy as my significant other. Jeff’s got some big shoes to fill.”
After the event, senior White House officials said Obama has also assembled a short list of candidates to replace his daughters in the second term. Sources say the top contenders are Gov. Chris Christie and former Pres. Bill Clinton.