When you are falling in love with someone, it is hard to hold yourself back from 'taking the plunge'. If you are smitten by someone you're dating, chances are, you'd be really enthusiastic about saying 'I love you' and taking the next step. But how soon is too soon? When is the right time to say 'I love you'? And why is it better to wait a while instead of blurting it right out when you feel like it?
Love always takes time.
You may be madly infatuated by someone you've met on a date once, or you may think you're in love after your first kiss. But it's not really love at all. It's just the first stage in several stages of that mushy thing called love.
And what makes falling in love with each other so magical is the tension and the confusion, the insecurities and those stolen moments of passion that build as two people start wooing each other.
But if you do say 'I love you' before you and your new date can feel the excitement of actually falling for each other, you could ruin the happy moment and turn it into something far more serious before both of you have even had the time to evaluate the potential relationship.
Is it wrong to say 'I love you' too soon?
Well, truth be told, it's not. After all, what's the point in hiding your feelings for someone?
At times, revealing your love for someone may be the best thing you could do, especially if they love you back already. But what happens if you're dating someone who's still evaluating you as a long term partner potential?
If you rush it by professing your love for someone who's still not ready to love you, you may end up losing the relationship even though both of you were perfect for each other. So if you can wait for it, it's always better to wait a while rather than rushing into something and ruining it without giving the relationship a fair chance.
10 reasons why saying 'I love you' too soon sucks. Keep these 10 reasons in mind and test your own potential relationship:
1. The 'guessing game' is over. The excitement of playing hard to get with each other is what makes falling in love so much fun. Both of you like each other a lot, can't stop touching each other and feel so good inside every time both of you meet. You're not in a relationship yet, but both of you are falling hard for each other already.
If you say 'I love you' too soon, the excitement of wondering what is on each other's mind would end overnight. It's not a bad thing, but a longer courting almost always gives a better chance for a longer relationship because both of you waited before taking the plunge.
2. Are you an obsessive lover? Some people are obsessive lovers. They jump into a new relationship with someone as soon as one relationship ends because they can’t stay single. They love being in love, and need love to feel complete. These kinds of lovers end up saying ‘I love you’ even without realizing whether they’re really in love with their date.
And as you meet your date often over time, instead of trying to build the love, you may spend many of your dates trying to convince yourself that you've actually met the one!
3. When there's no reciprocation. If you say 'I love you' and your date doesn't respond with the same sentence, it makes the whole relationship go backwards. It'll leave one of you confused and the other angry.
And that builds insecurities and fills the air with a lot of awkwardness. Unless you're completely smitten by this person you're dating and don't care whether they love you back or not, avoid saying it too soon.
4. A big misunderstanding. If you say something as serious as 'I love you' very early into the relationship, your date may think you're not really in love with them, but are just saying it to please them. That's really the worst thing, because your three magical words have just lost all meaning to your date.
5. How well do you know each other? People get infatuated by each other at first sight. They don't fall in love! If you really need to love someone, you need to love them for who they are. So what do you know about your date? Do you know about their exes, how many relationships they've been in, about their likes and dislikes and the kind of person they are? Always make sure you actually like the real person you're dating for their personality before professing your love to them.
6. Are you insecure? Ask yourself this question sincerely, are you saying 'I love you' to this special person just to cover your insecurities? Some smitten lovers say those words just to beat any competition out of the way, or arm-twist the one they're dating so they can feel more secure about the relationship or push away anyone else who’s threatening the relationship. If you have to profess your love, do it for the right reasons.
7. Stuck in love. If one of you says 'I love you' too soon, and the other person accepts and responds with the same line without really thinking, one or both of you may feel stuck in the relationship because it all happened so fast.
If you say it too soon, your lover may even get angry with you if they jumped in too fast and reciprocated by saying that they loved you too. And instead of focusing on love, your new partner may have to spend all their time wondering if they really need to be in a serious relationship with you. Would you like that?
8. Pressure doesn't always work. Once you say it, the secret's out in the open for you and your date to see. And you can't take your words back again. What if your date just wants a casual relationship with you and doesn't want anything serious just yet? They may really love you, but they may still be unsure about doing anything about it.
And remember, there's no going back once you say it. If your date's uncertain about the future of the romance, saying 'I love you' will force them to think about it. And the extra pressure on deciding immediately may just force your date into turning you down or walking away if they're not ready to be held down in a serious romance.
9. Prove your love. If you really want to say 'I love you' and hear it back from your date, then learn to play it safe. Instead of saying the words, prove your love through actions. Don't say how much you love your date, but show it through your romantic gestures. If your date loves you, they'll reciprocate with happiness. But if they aren't looking for something serious, they'd seem uncomfortable with your affection.
10. Watch their response to your love. You'll know if your date loves you back if they go out of their way to do something for you too. After you smother your date with love and romance, wait and watch their response. If your date really loves you, they'd start indulging in little romantic gestures like buying you gifts or going out of their way to do something nice for you.
If that happens, then yes, your date loves you. On the other hand, if your date doesn't respond in kind, perhaps they just need more time to fall madly in love with you.
When is the best time to say 'I love you'?
Express your love when you believe you're truly in love. But at the same time, be certain that your date is ready to hear it. A good rule of thumb here, both of you should have spent at least a month seriously dating each other each and must have met each other on at least five real romantic dates.
To some, this may seem like it's all too fast. And to many others, it may seem like a lot of waiting. But a month into dating each other is the perfect time to express your love for this special someone. The infatuation would have peaked and led to something a lot more beautiful, and big chances are, it could just be love!
The waiting game
If you wait too long, your new date may get bored or wonder if the relationship's going anywhere. If you say it too soon, you may ruin your relationship because of all the added pressure and the confusion.
If you want the experience to seem like a fairytale romance, take your time while saying 'I love you' and read the signs. Keep an eye on the budding relationship and take the plunge when you feel like love’s all around in the air.