Studies show that people who enjoy healthy relationships have more happiness and less stress. We also know that the the way in which you think, feel, and believe in your adult relationships is a direct result of your past relationships and early experiences, going all the way back to childhood.
Many of us carry into our adult relationships the dysfunctional behaviors we witnessed and learned as children. If your parents separated or divorced, or if one parent abandoned the family (physically or emotionally), you might have adopted the same behavior patterns that prompted these events.
If your relationships in the past were chaotic or troubled, you can start now to examine and undo unconscious attitudes and behaviors that might be contributing to an unsatisfying personal life. By understanding how early circumstances have had an impact on your life, you can begin to overcome negative habits and thinking that can affect your relationships now and in the future.
Look, it won’t be the easiest thing in the world to do. But, anything worth enjoying and having is worth working to have and create. Building a healthy relationship is kind of like building a house. First, we must clear the land by doing away with the dysfunctional behaviors (i.e., anything that serves to keep you bound, down, and ignorant instead of enlightened, free, and uplifted). This is what usually separated the “winners” from the “losers” because this is where the hard work comes in. Most people ain’t trying to do all that….we’d rather stay comfortable—unhappy but comfortable. But, for the folks who are serious about finding true happiness within themselves and in their relationship; here’s where what you put in really counts. It’s hard and hugely rewarding work that often requires assistance from others. Then we must lay a foundation of willingness to communicate, care, and commit. Finally, we construct one story of the house at a time. We start with casual contact, move to friendship, then companionship, and ultimately, (if appropriate) we top the structure with romantic love and committed love.
Skip any step in building a house and the structure might be unsafe and collapse. The same is true for building relationships. If you omit an essential step, you put the relationship in jeopardy. At first the relationship can seem sound, but as time passes, flaws begin to show and the framework starts to sag. When a storm comes along, the relationship might break apart.
Overcoming your fears and dealing with your past allows you to move forward awake and aware. It allows you to intentionally create the relationship of your dreams. So, BEGIN. START. MOVE. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.